Violence as taught by those in charge.

Yesterday afternoon I attended a hearing on three Temporary Restraining Orders I helped my neighbors file on behalf of their daughter and against three other high school students. Last month, a judge granted a two-year protective order on behalf of the same victim.

The parents and I have spent inordinate amounts of time trying to get the school to do something – anything – about this situation. We had a one-hour meeting with the principal, assistant principal and in-school cop a couple of weeks ago. We had to reiterate over and over ad nauseum that the verbal and texting insults being exchanged between the students should not be put into the same category as the physical assaults and that it is the physical assaults that should truly concern everyone. The verbal assaults, however, were also escalating and we expressed our concern that there is the clear potential that something far more serious could happen. My neighbors have requested twice in the past several weeks that a mediation be scheduled where the parents and students would be able to talk in a controlled environment. The officer and principal promised that that would be scheduled. Two weeks later, nothing has happened in that regard. And this is in a school where a student was stabbed a couple of years ago in the school by another student.

Yesterday, the judge came off of her bench to address all of the students there. She expressed the same concerns regarding the potential for serious violence coming out of all of this. The principal was also in the courtroom and the judge told him that if the situation did not improve – last week she held a TRO hearing with four other students from the same school – that she was going demand that the school bring her in for an all-school assembly.

After the hearing, the principal and one of the parents and her child left, but the other parents and children met spontaneously in the foyer for at least 20 minutes. It quickly became clear to all of us that the school had not been contacting the parents and, therefore, all they had to go on was rumor and gossip. (Last week, the mother and I met with the school counselor and quickly learned that he knew almost nothing about what was going on. It was he who suggested that my neighbors apply for more TROs.) It was a very civilized ad hoc meeting outside of the courtroom. The parents exchanged phone numbers and plan to keep in touch so as to try and resolve the problem(s). (The parents have in the past several weeks asked the school to provide them with the other parents’ phone numbers and were refused.)

I, personally, wrote a two-page letter to every member of the school board 10 days ago and have yet to hear from any of them. They and the school administrators have had more than enough time to address this situation, but rather have acted as if they are in denial and that by ignoring it, it will simply go away. The student fomenting this trouble has been in and out of juvenile detention for violent crimes, is on probation and is supposed to be closely monitored. One of the parents told us that she had to call the police to have this girl removed from her home. She is clearly a danger and yet the school keeps her there in spite of that. (As a Special Education and at-risk student, she brings in more money than a regular student.)

The point of this post, is that those who are charged with maintaining safe environments, be it in a school or a public space, are not doing what they should and people are being hurt as a result. The U.S. government deals with conflict by creating more conflict and that has been its modus operandus for decades if not centuries, except that in the past 20 years with the doctrine of pre-emptive war – which, by the way violates international and international human rights law – having been normalized, it seems that people, in general, have lost the ability to deal with conflict in a civilized and sensible manner. It shocks me on a daily basis how people work so hard to obfuscate the truth, even in what seem to be trivial matters, and when someone tells the truth s/he is demonized and, often, threatened with physical violence. In addition, people seem all too willing to accept at face-value gossip of the most outlandish sort and are ready to punch someone. It’s a wonder to me that so many adults act as if our children are not watching us, not learning from us, and not becoming us.

Deborah